We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
