I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
