They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Randomize
