D3 body, D1 cock
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
