Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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