God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
