saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
