So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
this will be a night to untag.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
