May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
