So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
