dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
When did we convert life to cartoon?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
