You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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