So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
