did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
