dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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