I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
