By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
