So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
