I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
