and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
