Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
