You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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