There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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