How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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