I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
