i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
