I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
