So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
