Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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