yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
