i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
