Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
