Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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