my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
