Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
