it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
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