At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
