i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I stole a fireplace last night.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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