just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
