If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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