Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
