your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
