just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
