he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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