this just has baby written all over it
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
