I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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