so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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