I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
