fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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