went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
is wine microwaveable?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
