How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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