so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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